-Zayy Sleeze, San Mateo
“There are two kinds of worries: those you can do something about and those you can’t.” Duke Ellington
I’m a big over thinker. I often catch myself worried about things I cannot control or change. I do this because I want things to go as planned. Yet, everything always goes wrong for me. I want my life to be better, but I’m always stuck in the middle of something. I feel like I have a lot of weight on my shoulders. I want to change, but I just can’t. I want to give my son a good life.
I want to be there for him and spend every day with him, but recently things have been going sideways with me and his mother. This is something I wish I could control, but I can’t, because I’m in here. I miss my son a lot. Usually, I see him every week, but it’s been almost a few weeks since I’ve seen him.
This is another thing I can’t control. I’ve been in here for almost two years, just wasting my life. Lately, I have been losing interest in everything. I’ve been lazy, and I don’t do anything. I stopped working out every day. Today, I got up and worked out, but I ended up giving up and didn’t finish my workout. I’m worried about myself.
Something is up, and I might end up doing something stupid. I’m worried I’m going to go home and end up in prison again. I don’t think there is anything I can do about this, because I know myself. I want change, because I can’t change myself.