D’ercey, San Francisco Before I came to jail, I was out doing bad. I was gon’ keep doing the same thing ‘till I came here. I learned my lesson I swear this time. I learned because life is short, I got a lot to lose. I swear I love my family and if something was to happen to them, I would be hurt, so that’s why I am changing my life. When I get out of here, I will change. Everybody ain’t your friend. Somebody might want to be your friend but is really trying to use you. That’s why
Continue ReadingThat Night Still Haunts Me
by G, Sacramento Everyone at one point in their life faces some sort of difficulty. That’s just my life. My father died six years ago, when I was eleven years old. And still just thinking about that right now makes me panic. I can’t stop the panic. I can’t think, I can’t breathe. It doesn’t stop and I try to ignore it and I get angry and sad and hopeless, and it doesn’t stop. Cut, burn, scratch myself, pain, and it helps it to stop. My dad was nice, my dad was caring. I loved my dad. I remember I
Continue ReadingMy Life
by JJEM, San Mateo Alright got that out of the way, so let me catch you up from the last time I left off on my story. I left off on the part where my friend Steven had a seizure and Georgie and I thought he died right in front of us. Also we three were under the influence of alcohol and we were also high, but Steven and I were also under the influence of what you people know as LSD, and not the “mushrooms,” but also known as paper/gel tabs. I hope this story helps you understand how
Continue ReadingWhy I Write About Pain
by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA I was reading some of my latest Beat Within publications and I realized I write a lot about pain. I started wondering, “Why do I write so much about pain?” Here is what I came with. When I start living a life full of love, joy, and happiness. Then I’ll start writing about love, joy, and happiness. Until then, I’m gonna tell you all about what I know, pain and suffering! I know I haven’t experienced the same pain that some of you have. I met people in prison that have been
Continue Reading22 Tips For 2022: Lessons Learned
by Leo Cardez, Dixon Correctional Center in Dixon, Illinois I was called to see the nurse today for my annual check-out. Towards the end of my visit she quietly turned around gloved up, lubed up, and instructed to drop my shots, turn around and bend over. “What, why?” I pleaded. It was time for my prostrate exam, she explained. My first thought was, damn I should have made sure to wash my ass before I came over here today. Then I remember reading in the Department of Corrections Manual that prostate exams weren’t required until you’re over forty-five. I pleaded
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Volume 26.49/50
Please contact Lisa Lavaysse if you would like to purchase the full PDF or a printed copy of this issue.
Continue ReadingEd Note 26.49/50
Welcome to our year-end issue, 26.49/50, of The Beat Within. What a journey we have all been on, as the Covid pandemic continues, and adjustments in our day to day lives are necessary to move forward in a healthy and safe manner. We are thrilled that our longtime colleague and friend, Alyssa, whom many of you know, has embraced the opportunity to take us into 2022 with her thoughts on the past year and of course goals for the upcoming new year, with the last editorial note in 2021 Before we get there we too want to personally thank you
Continue ReadingMotivation
by Julius, San Francisco By way of introduction, my name is Julius. I am a 19-year-old Salvadoran, Native American, and Black young man who was born and raised in San Francisco, California. On March 25th, 2002, my mother gave birth to me at St. Luke’s Hospital, with my father right at her side. Unfortunately, my father would be in and out of prison, leaving my mom on her own to raise my brother and I for most of our childhood. Living in a single mother household can be very challenging for a kid growing up in the city, especially when
Continue ReadingSigns In Life
by Gio, San Mateo A sign I got in my life that was trying to prevent me from going the wrong way, was the day I came in. Man, let me tell you the whole day I was planning on just chilling at home. I really wasn’t feeling like going out that whole day, until someone I knew hit me up. At first, he was like let’s kick it and smoke or something and I told him no, I am just chilling at home for the day. I’m not trying to kick it. Then, he told me he had something
Continue ReadingThe Two Most Motivational People In My Life
by Zayy, San Mateo One person who motivates me the most is my mother because every day I wake up, I think of things she tells me on a day-by-day basis. Most things my mom tells me stay in my head and is useful. When I was younger, I used to think she would tell me things to pick on me, but as I grew older, she made me realize all the things she was saying would help me in the real world. She’s telling me because she most likely has been through it already and she doesn’t want me
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