Category: The Beat Without

by Jose “RawRaw” Robles, Pleasant Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA Playing Cops and RobbersNo more time it has expiredDaylight shines the night retiredNo more waiting in the shadowsThe light retreats it is that hourBack and forth in night and dayHide and seek the game we playNo more tag and now you’re itNow it’s toe tag if you’re hit.For My MommaA mother’s love for her childUnconditional true and pureEven as a grown man with flawsHer eyes look at me with tender patienceBecause I will always be her childThough she can no longer carry me in her armsAs when I was

by Shon Pernice, Moberly Correctional Center in Moberly, Missouri Cheating happens for a variety of self-centered excuses. Whether it is for revenge, loneliness, a high sex drive or being “unhappy,” infidelity boils down to an internal issue with the male ego: a low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.  I may be breaking some absurd guy code, however, I am guilty of being a chronic cheater during my marriage. My wife is deceased and I cannot look her in the eye, apologize, and attempt restitution. Furthermore, if I am able to bring solace to another woman who has suffered from this

by Michael Sperling, San Quentin State Prison, CA My father mentally, physically, and emotionally abused me as a kid. He stripped me of my innocence and took my childhood away from me. He broke me as a child. It was so bad that I literally had to invent an alter ego to protect myself.  I did this to avoid dealing with that child whom was a broken victim. This alter-ego that I created was going to be no joke! I’m going to be someone you don’t want to mess with. I wasn’t going to be anyone’s victim anymore.  So, I

by Chaser, San Quentin State Prison, CA “It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they’ve been fooled.” -Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain It’s easier to fool people then to convince them they have been fooled. This sounds like me as a teenager, specifically when it came to addiction. I was a drug addict and nobody could tell me anything. The biggest problem was I didn’t think I was a drug addict. I regulated my use (sometimes) and I knew older homeboys who were way worse. From the age of 12 I was drinking. At 13 I started smoking

by Donald Thompson, San Quentin State Prison, CA The sound that I wish I could forget is the sound of my sister’s voice when I called to talk to my mom. On January 26th, 1997, Super Bowl Sunday. I called my mom from the county jail where I had been since 1995, to tell her I missed her and loved her.  However, my sister answered the phone. She was unusually quiet, and so I asked, “What’s wrong?” I heard her sniffling and she began crying.  “Tell me what’s wrong!”   She was finally able to bring herself to say, “Momma

by Larry Johnson, San Quentin State Prison in San Quentin, CA As I think about three words that best describe me I first had to think about three words that I was not in the past. The words I list will not be in any order because for me they are all as important in my life and all now help me through my life. The first word I will use is “resilient.” This words means capable of withstanding adversity as marked by resilience. Also tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.”  Looking over my past

by Efren Bullard, Ironwood State Prison in Blythe, CA Hope is the one thing that I never had. To be told (by my lawyer and the courts) that Life Without Parole means that, “I can never go home,” was the most pain I ever felt in my life. I felt like my life was over. Like no matter how old I get, no one would ever give me a chance.  So I became very angry and violent until I was 40 years old. That’s when I began to realize, “I had to give myself a chance.” That’s when hope kicked

by Leo Cardez, Dixon Correctional Facility in Dixon, Illinois There is nothing exactly like living in Hell, but there is something close to it: Jail and Prison. In my Hell, where I lived for most of 2015, there is, as Dante understood, no hope. People think the worst part of being locked up is the loss of freedom. They are wrong. The worst part is the loss of hope and purpose. You wake up every morning realizing your nightmare will continue into your waking hours. The loss you have suffered is permanent. Life will never be the same. In many

by Armando R. Gonzalez and Floyd D. Collins, San Quentin State Prison, CA Ok Mr. Collins, the topic is “Building more trust.” Man, where do I begin? I guess first off for me, when I hear “Trust” I really hear vulnerability. When I think about trusting, I feel a mix of feelings, hurt, anxiety, excitement, longing, anger and hope. In my past I believed trust was a sucker’s bet. Today, I see that trust is not a feeling. It’s a choice. A decision that sometimes is made intuitively but often needs to be re-evaluated and remade. This might include communicating

by Elton Kelley, San Quentin State Prison, CA Seldom during my time of incarceration have I found anything of significant beauty. I understand it’s prison, after all, and beauty is not normally to be associated and certainly is not one of the prison’s design criterion.  A couple of years ago I spotted some deer grazing on the hill situated on the northwest end of San Quentin Peninsula where California’s oldest prison is located. The hilltop is visible from most vantage points within the facility so nearly anyone interested can catch a peek of whatever is going on up there. On