Category: The Beat Without

by Heather Daoust, California Institution for Women in Corona, CA I noticed I always tread lightly when I write for The Beat Without. Maybe too lightly. I pop in and out with short spurts then long silence. I always digest my readers and audience.  I think what screws me up is I’m near thirty and doing life in prison. I think of juvie as kids. Kids, to me, are innocent. I always wished to have a child and when I lost my unborn child it put a holy glow on the idea of any and every child. So, in a

by Mesro Coles-El, San Quentin State Prison, San Quentin, CA “You don’t have to become something you’re not to be better than you were. A person doesn’t have to change who he is to become better.” -Sidney Poitier I admit that I did not know how true this quote was until I got myself locked up. See, I spent a lot of time trying to fit in with people I discovered did not care about me at all. Only my closest friends told me that it was okay to be by myself, but I kept on trying to fit in

by Brotha Dee, San Quentin State Prison in San Quentin, CA I pray that all is well with you all and the whole Beat team!? As for me, I’ve been great since I’ve returned to San Quentin. It kind of hurt my heart a bit to find that quite a few didn’t notice my absence. I was gone for a total of five weeks; three weeks in the psychiatric crisis unit at CMF (California Medical Facility) in Vacaville, and two weeks in AC before returning to San Quentin without the Covid vaccine. As I sang about my Lord and Savior,

by Efren Bullard I will continue to search me and try to understand me. I sit here thinking about life all the time wondering, “Who am I?” I’m the guy who likes to sit on the beach looking at the ocean crash into itself while the moon sits over the water allowing you to see how beautiful it really is.  I’m the guy who thinks about taking a trip up to Big Bear in the winter just to look at the animals play in the snow. I’d like to watch the eagles fly as well as sit at the top

by Leo Cardez, Dixon Correctional Center in Dixon, Illinois In prison, most of us spend our days bathed in fluorescent lighting starring at four walls. If we’re lucky maybe we have a TV or the occasional gym or yard recreational time. Most prisons are iron and concrete edifices; cold, austere human warehouses. Our separation from society is court mandated and unquantifiable painful, but our separation from the natural world is quantifiably damaging to our health and psyche. We came to prison as punishment, not for punishment. Our connection to nature is far more important to our cognition and other aspects

by Richard Zamora, Centinela State Prison in Imperial, CA Hi, my name is Richard Zamora and I’m a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. I’m proud to say that I’ve been sober for three and a half wonderful years. Please allow me a minute of your time to share with you my experience with drugs and alcohol.  I used drugs and drank alcohol for the same reasons a lot of others did. The main reason being I was numbing the pain I had been feeling for so many years. Growing up I felt like no one loved me, cared for me

by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA I was reading some of my latest Beat Within publications and I realized I write a lot about pain. I started wondering, “Why do I write so much about pain?”  Here is what I came with. When I start living a life full of love, joy, and happiness. Then I’ll start writing about love, joy, and happiness. Until then, I’m gonna tell you all about what I know, pain and suffering!  I know I haven’t experienced the same pain that some of you have. I met people in prison that have been

by Leo Cardez, Dixon Correctional Center in Dixon, Illinois I was called to see the nurse today for my annual check-out. Towards the end of my visit she quietly turned around gloved up, lubed up, and instructed to drop my shots, turn around and bend over.  “What, why?” I pleaded.  It was time for my prostrate exam, she explained.  My first thought was, damn I should have made sure to wash my ass before I came over here today. Then I remember reading in the Department of Corrections Manual that prostate exams weren’t required until you’re over forty-five.  I pleaded

by Q. Paige, San Quentin State Prison, CA To be totally transparent I hated writing in my youth due to complications with my learning. At a young age, I was diagnosed with Dyslexia, ADD and ADHD and couldn’t focus for long periods of time. Words jumbled together, sometimes I would read backwards. I hated everything to do with literature and there was no way to change that. So, I thought. My mom heard of my short-coming and refused to put me in special classes or give me medication so as my saving grace she spent extra time teaching me. She

by Marco Antonio Ramirez, Avenal State Prison in Avenal, CA When my journey started and when I first began to meet people, I would come across a variety of different people that I think would be interesting to copy and develop a mix between them all.  Of course, these personalities weren’t positive. They were negative like the characters that are in the Batman series. I would walk and collect a little bit of the negative personality from one person, and then collect a little bit of the negative from another person. I ended up talking and acting like the Joker