We welcome back you readers to another double dose edition of the one and only The Beat Within. We are the only magazine putting out a double issue every other week. It’s the only magazine where you’re allowed to tell your stories, your truths in a safe space. It’s OT back again tasked with bringing you some words of inspiration and wisdom.
As always there were a lot of great topics, but I’ll go with the one that puts a smile to my face, and that’s the topic on smile. There’s a lot of reasons to smile in life and even when you don’t completely have your freedom, and your stuck in a box, or a situation you don’t like, trust me, a phone call, a letter, a nice picture from your girl with a splash of her cologne will definitely have you Chucky cheesing up in your room.
I remember when I did my bid in the Feds, I was stuck in the SHU for a couple of years because of my gang affiliation and activities. It sucked completely. It was in prison within a prison. I was supposed to get transferred to another prison, but the transfer never came. Six months, seven, eight months, the baseball season, started and ended. The football season came and went.
Before you know it, I was stuck there with no designation. The feds will do that to you. I was stuck writing a whole bunch of grievances. But I didn’t let the time in the SHU dictate my attitude every day. I woke up every day with a smile, and noticed others around me weren’t so grateful as I was. They would throw fits and give people bad attitude. I mean if you’re situation is messed up, then why make it even more messed up than it already is?
Shhh, I’m trying to have a good time no matter where I’m at. We were on lock down mostly twenty-three hours a day sometimes twenty-four. Sometimes we would be on lockdown for a couple of months straight. I would organize group workouts with the guys with the cells closest to me. I would do raffles, lend people magazines, and books, chop it up with people about their cases and their lives. I would try uplift people’s spirits in a bad place.
We would have conversations about the struggles of trying to be a parent while being incarcerated. Although, many of the conversations were touching, and maybe even sad, we were always very relieved after having these conversations. We all needed a space to vent and share.
It was like dead weight lifted off our shoulders. So, these are the kinds of things that we need to do when we find ourselves in places like these. I remember a specific instance where something happened. The guards came to my cell door. I wasn’t never one to fraternized with the guards, but I actually got along with many of them because I would give them advice on their Fantasy Football teams, and I always treated them with respect.
Plus, that same positive energy I would give to my peers I would also give it to them also. I understood that they were just doing their job, so even though they would search us, harass us, I knew it was part of their job description.
I would always keep a smile on my face and I’m no Brad Pitt, but I believe I have a nice smile. A smile goes a long way, and a smile is infectious. Just in the same manner that you mug somebody, and they return you a bad look, they will feed off your negative vibe and return you a mug right back.
A smile can do the same. You give a bright, beautiful smile to someone and sometimes they have no choice but to return one right back. You might even make them blush.
Back to my story, so the guards came to my cell one day and told me, “We need your help.”
I was like what’s up? What can I help you guys with. They told me that an inmate was soooo depressed that he cut himself and was trying to bleed out. The inmate didn’t speak English.
“What do you want me to do. Take him to the hospital.” I told them
“We did already. Twice. Just go talk to him. He’s stressing because he’s in the SHU.”
It was weird, but it felt kind of cool that they had that trust in me. So, they let me out of my cell, and took me to the tank where the inmate was at. I remember it was an older gentlemen. At the time I was like twenty-five years old, so I was young, (I’m forty now, people, but I still feel young).
So, Mr. X is what we’ll call him told me he was stressed out for being in the SHU for a week! I was like damn! I’ve been in the SHU for a year and a half! He told me that being in the SHU cut him off from communicating with his daughters.
I told him my story and how I was also cut off from communication with not just my daughters but my entire family. I told him I was doing my best with trying to be present, and in the SHU, we were only allowed one phone call a month.
I told him how I would send drawings, letters and pictures. He was astonished when I told him I hadn’t seen the sun in like ninety days. And here he was, tripping off being depressed by only being a week in the SHU!
We had a good heart to heart talk. I think he realized or saw that my situation was worse than his, and even though it was, I still had a big smile on my face. Needless to say, he didn’t try to hurt himself again, and I was able to help somebody by putting things into perspective.
Just like there’s a reason to be mad at the fact that you’re not where you want to be, there’s also a reason to smile and be grateful for what you currently have going on in your life. Whether that’s a good girl by your side, a mother that’s waiting for you to get out, a diploma, a college degree, a business you want to start. The glass is half full not half empty.
Your life is not over yet. You’re just barely getting started. You won’t be locked up forever ladies and gentlemen. Formulate your game plan, work hard, stay consistent in being positive and hopeful. Things will start turning around for you, but it all starts with your approach… it all starts with your smile.
You have the power not just to change your day, but to change someone else’s. Then that person in return will change someone else’s, and so forth. That’s why smiles are contagious. They are important. We need them to keep thriving to have positive results in everything we do.
When you’re having a bad day, smile. Smile when you face adversity, because it’s hard enough facing these challenges, so why be in a bad mood? Be proud, be grateful, and smile. You never know who needs to see a smile just to brighten up their day. At the same time brighten up yours, while you’re at it. I love y’all.
OT is signing off with the utmost love and respect for all of y’all. Long live David Inocencio. And The Beat keeps going and going…