Greetings friends! Welcome to our latest issue, 28.05/06, of The Beat Within. We are thrilled to bring you our latest issue of writing and art from the inside and beyond. This week OT, has plenty to share and with space being a premium, let’s cut to the chase and pass the keyboard to our dear colleague.
“Sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.” -Drake
Before I get into my message, I would like to let y’all know that this editorial note is dedicated to the great writers and colleagues inside San Quentin that contribute, write and spread positivity and inspire us all to keep pushing in life no matter how hard the circumstances. First off, I don’t need to be tooting another grown man’s horn, but let me tell y’all something. While many look up to rappers, athletes, singers, actors, and politicians, I look up to these guys behind the walls that genuinely come with the real life struggle shhh.
There are too many to name so if I missed your name sorry, but this one goes out to Osbun Walton, Olegario Ambriz, Tone, White Eagle, Truth N. Poetry, Chaser, Donald Thompson, Freddy Huante, Jon D. Goldberg, Michael Sperling, Harry Goodall, Brady Godoy, Ken Vernon, HGR, Tommie Hall, Raul Higgins, Patrick Demery, Shawn Reyes, Geff LaFranchi, and Maxx Robison, to our regular BWO contributors, as there are too many to name.
This quote resonates with me because we all come from the struggle called life. Life ain’t easy but it sure gets better. “Sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination,” but not just your destination that teaches you about yourself and the purpose of life. Most people look at destination and it coincides with a place, something physical. Many of you all are incarcerated, or system impacted, and some of you are not.
As for destination, I don’t think that this word defines your journey at all because your physical destination doesn’t have anything to do with the person that you’re supposed to become, but I will go ahead and contradict myself.
Let me explain. There are people in life that are on top of their game, it could be sports, music, lawyers, or doctors, as their destination might look plush, with money, fame, and recognition. Yet, people make people famous. Musicians are not famous without the support and dedication of their fans. Doctors are nothing without their patients, and lawyers aren’t successful without their clients.
We all want to come up and say we did it on our own that we don’t depend on nobody else. But we’ve all had someone show us either how to walk, how to talk or how to maneuver in life. See, your destination is nothing physical, because the physical things that we see in this world are normally material things, that are cool to have, cars, jewelry, clothes, money, etc., what else? But what about reaching your potential of being that great loving person?
Nothing that you chase in life or acquire physically are things that you can take with you once you’re dead. It doesn’t matter what religion or what your beliefs are, but whether you’re rich or poor, whether you have 5 million in your bank account or 35 dollars, when you’re dead you’re dead. The broke man and the rich man are the same. All the material things you were chasing are things that you will never be able to take into the next world.
So many of you willing to die chasing a bag, you’re selling yourselves short. You know what really matters in life? That love that you have for your brother, sister, mother, your girl, future wife/husband, your grandma, doesn’t that seem like something that can last forever? We all have different destinies just based on the career you decide to pursue, or where you decide to live, but destination has nothing to do with trying to be the best you, that you possibly can.
See, I’ve been told on numerous occasions by some of you youth, by even my sisters, and by neighbors in my own country, “I don’t want to end up like you.”
Damn, I was like what do these people mean? You don’t want to end up like me? Am I a failure? How do people perceive me? Am I loser? But I haven’t been afraid to lose in life. I know what people mean at times. If I look at it from my perspective, shhh I wasn’t there for daughters growing up. Even though, I’ve tried really hard with phone calls and text messages, I know I failed.
I failed as a son. My mother is over there in California, and I know she needs her son. I failed as a brother, because I know my sisters need me. I failed as a father, as a nephew, as a member of my community where I was raised at. Nobody needs to tell me that. I know.
But my failures don’t define me, just like my physical destination doesn’t define me. Just like those of you in prison doing twenty years or life but have such a positive attitude, and are really motivated to help their comrades, their peers, the youth, and those around them. It’s so inspiring. Before I use to look up to people that cause destruction, violence, and poison our communities. And don’t get me wrong, I love gangsta rap. I listen to it every day because it talks about what I went through, but those people are not my idols no more.
My idols are people like y’all that are committed to making a difference. I hate to talk about David, because he’s the boss, but damn, none of y’all know what this man does to make this magazine possible and the sacrifices he makes. It’s inspiring. I think about people like Michael Kroll, Alison Nugent, Simone Zapata, Sara Cummings, Alyssa Maanao, and Lisa Lavaysse, many more that I can’t name but deserve respect and loyalty, and all the love, and their destiny could be doing something else, but choose to do this work because they all love and care about y’all behind the walls.
You guys are spoiled! That you have a community of people willing to sacrifice their time to give you a voice, to give you a platform, to give you all the opportunity to tell your story and make a difference in someone’s life. See, I read everything y’all write, not because I get paid to do it. I, myself, could be doing something else. Don’t think that The Beat Within is here to make money. We’re here to make a difference.
So, when I think about destination and where I’m at, and my failures in life, and whatever anyone wants to label me, I also think about why my aunt has a problem and I’m the first person she calls. Talking forty minutes straight about something she can’t even trust her own son with. I think about my sisters when they have a problem, they call me. I think about my daughters, even though we don’t communicate as much, the last time we did was because they had a problem.
I think about my homeboys that constantly call me and talk about their baby mama drama or their problems and then ask me how I’m doing. I’m like damn, what kind of failure am I, if everybody I know calls me to talk about their problems?
That’s when I realize that my failures and my experiences in life can help others be better brothers, better fathers, better husbands, better nephews, be better people in general.
My adopted son tells me that he wants to be like me when he grows up. I have someone that’s not even my blood calling me father and telling me he wants to be like me, which is not something to brag about, but it is an honor. And I tell him. “I don’t want you to be like me, I want you to be better than me.”
So, when I share my stories, experiences, lessons, mistakes, it’s not for sympathy it’s for y’all to learn, that destination is only a part of your journey in life. Some people may look at people in prison doing life like a failure, but I’ll tell you what, those guys are counselors, running programs like drug and alcohol anonymous, The Beat Within, gang intervention, those guys are making a real positive difference in the lives of others without any kind of recognition or trophies. Those are the real leaders that you should be looking up to.
So when you ask me about my journey or destination. Shhh I wouldn’t mind chilling on a private Island with my loved ones. But there is no place I would rather be in this world, then right here with all of you, because I love and care about y’all. This is my journey. This is my destination. I’m gone let y’all teach me about yours.
One love to everyone going through the struggle, and all those that help us get through the struggle. OT is signing out with the utmost love and respect. And The Beat keeps going and going…
Thank you OT for sharing your love with us all. You put a smile on many of our faces and we are grateful to have you in our lives too. All right friends, stay in touch, The Beat Within wants to hear from you, always, with love and respect.