Determined

by Stitch, San Mateo

I had court a couple of days ago on Tuesday. They still want my case to be transferred to adult court but my lawyer says there is a good chance that won’t happen, though I still have to wait another couple of months to see what will happen. I am determined to get my freedom back, I know it will take some time. I can do time, though I just have to be patient and stay busy. I really won’t take my freedom for granted ever again. I’ve been down damn near six months and to keep it 100, time is going by fast, which is a good thing. I know six months is nothing compared to what they trying to tax me with but I am determined to get through it. 

Lately I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on my past. I noticed I been in the streets for a long time, you know. I really been outside. When I’m in the streets I’m with my fam, my boys, doing what we do, getting money, choppin’ it up and doing things I will not talk about. I’ve been in and out of group homes and different Juvenile halls for a long time as well.

 I got a little brother and a little sister and I personally feel like I have not been a good big brother to them because of my absence from home. 

I’ve developed both good and bad skills from being in the streets and from being in and out of different juvenile facilities. When I am home I try to teach my lil brother all the good stuff I’ve learned but I don’t spend enough time with him because of me always not being home where I should have been. 

The other day I was on a Zoom call with my mom and my little sister who is almost two years old. My little sister asked me where I was and when I’m coming home? I felt terrible when she asked those questions especially since I know I have not been there for almost all of her young life. 

II told my little sister, “I am gone for a while, but I will be back like I never left!” When my little sister was born I was not there. I was four and half hours away from home. I was at a group home. 

I remember when my older sister told me that my mom was pregnant I was kind of mad because I did not like my step-dad. I felt like he was too controlling and too strict. I was also mad because I knew my family was not financially ready for another child, mut most importantly I was made because I would not be there for her birth.

 I remember being so mad about my situation I decided to fight some kid and run away from the group home after, so that’s what I did. It did not work. I ran away with this kid that was from the same county as me, but we were caught and taken to SLO (San Luis Obispo) County Juvenile Hall. I was locked up there for about 5 days, I was also in a fight while locked up there, luckily I was not charged. One of the group home staff went to visit me and said they would give me another chance at the group home if I did not fight or run away again. I agreed. 

Couple hours later I was back at the group home. I told myself I would try to finish my program and go back to my home , so that’s what I did. 

Anyways to get to the point, I have missed a lot of family birthdays, holidays and so much more because of me being in the streets or locked up, but no more. I am determined to be a good brother to my siblings and a good son to my mom. I am determined to never again take my freedom for granted. When I get out of here I will do all types of fun stuff with my family. I will travel the world. 

I will also find me a beautiful and intelligent female and have my own family. I am going to design my own mansion and live in it with my family. I am determined to make the things I dream and think about in my small room a reality.