by ChainsGee, Sonoma Well, I would like to start by taking responsibility for treating my wife wrongly during our whole relationship. I have been with her for three plus years and have two beautiful healthy babies. With her I feel like as a man it’s best for me to recognize how wrongly I have treated her. I hope that I won’t do it ever again. I am still with her, and I still love her unconditionally. But the things I have done were things such as being disrespectful, emotionally abusive, and mean. I am honestly thankful that my girl is
Continue ReadingThe Memories Are My Music
by Jose, Santa Clara The sound of owls late at night while we were outside in the village, is music to my ears. It’s soothing to me. It’s very relaxing, the late- night crickets with the owls and cars passing by in the distance on the freeway. I miss those days posting with the team. Most of us are locked up now and most of us are not coming home for a while. Out of my generation, about half of us are locked up. I think about those nights all the time. One more sound that is music to my
Continue ReadingBad Beliefs = Bad Behaviors
by Dortell Williams, Chuckawalla Valley State Prison in Blythe, CA Beliefs equal attitudes, and attitudes equal behaviors. I learned this concept about fifteen years ago in a prison self-help class taught by peers — for us, by us. What does that mean on the ground? It means that when my father repeatedly called me stupid, I believed him. In hindsight, I was only doing what young, curious boys do when exploring their world, and making mistakes. The name calling gave me a low self-esteem. Low self-confidence is a common contributing factor to imprisonment. I didn’t believe in myself, so I
Continue ReadingProving Myself
by Wendy Fong, Central California Women’s Facility Being the product of an interracial marriage and broken home, my whole life has been a journey in which I’ve had to prove myself. My Asian culture required me to fulfill unrealistic expectations from a young age. These expectations were intended to push me so that I would be successful in life. There was no malice behind the demands. When I left my dad’s home and moved in with my mom, my whole world changed. Suddenly, I found I had to prove myself for other reasons. Since my mom was deep in her
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Volume 28.11/12
Please contact Lisa Lavaysse if you would like to purchase the full PDF or a printed copy of this issue.
Continue ReadingEd Note 28.11/12
Greetings friends…. Here we are embracing the last days of March, with Spring in the air, as we go into the month of April. Plenty happening in our world, and we can only hope life is treating you and your loved ones well. Remember to take the time to show some love to the ones you care about the most. This week we have OT back in the pages of the editorial note. We welcome you readers back to another powerful edition, 28.11/12, of The Beat Within. This is OT reporting live to you from the hot volcanic rocks and
Continue ReadingToo Many Lies
by JV, Sacramento Yes, I lie to myself to make me feel better and more confident about myself, and to also benefit myself. And people lie to me all the time, so I don’t really think lying to myself means too much. In certain situations, I am afraid about the truth, for example, to lie to myself afraid to get in trouble or get locked up to save my freedom. It is my fear. I am really not afraid of jail, I am afraid to not see my family, call whenever I want, hug on them, hang with them, and
Continue ReadingIt Ain’t You, Be yourself
by Nieto, Santa Clara “Man, be yourself, I’ll hang with you no matter what. You don’t need to lie to be involved with us.” I tell my lil one that all the time. I can’t stand people who boost they own image. Just be yourself. Like c’mon, we’ve been coming in ‘n out the hall five plus years now. I know if you really done that or not. Just don’t get, why people tell lies just to, what, be cool? It’s actually embarrassing, is what it is. I could never tell someone something when in reality, I never did it.
Continue ReadingMy Anger Is Me
by Shane, Sonoma Part of me is mad at the world. Most of me. Maybe all of me. I don’t know. This anger is the only thing that’s ever really told me I have a self, an identity. I’ve heard plenty of people tell me they love me for who I am, make me feel whole and welcomed, welcomed only to be hurt again. When does one say forget it, I’m the cold one now? Well, I have. It’s better than what I was before, a weak and emotionless mentality. But I’m now seeing that I need to find a
Continue ReadingI Should’ve Listened to My Aunt Toni
I should’ve listened to my Aunt Toni. I remember one night we were all hangin’ out over my sister’s house. We had to be in full party mode at this time. My aunt had come back to Cali from Las Vegas. She came over to our party. I don’t know how she knew what we were doing at the time but we used to do a lot of robberies and she wasn’t being confrontational in her approach but she begged us to stop what we were doing. She reminded me that I had a car and my own place. She
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