Category: The Beat Without

by Sir Royal LeBlanc, Kern Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA I wake up in cold sweats, and I’m breathing heavyI’m seeing double but I’m trying to get my eyes steadyAnother dream that continues to haunt my soulTrue life events that I’ve never toldNeeding to just let it all outSo this is how this situation came aboutThe homie and I were sitting in my carWe got out to go into the storeBut we see our rivals coming from afarWe turn to run in the other directionBut it was too late they was already flexingI made it back to the car

by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA I think one of the most devastating issues I have never really addressed was being locked in a dryer at a laundry mat when I was three years old.  Being locked in a dryer at age three started out funny. My sisters (age 5 and 9 at the time) were laughing, as it all seemed like a game. The laundry mat was empty, besides our mother, my two sisters, and myself. Washing machines made up the center rows and the dryers lined up against the walls with elevated entry level windows, easy

by Leo Cardez, Dixon Correctional in Dixon, Illinois It has come to my attention that my cell sucks. Objectively, that might be too harsh of an assessment, but it certainly feels true right now. Don’t get me wrong. It has a window; working toilet and sink, albeit old and ugly; and enough space that I would describe as live-able.  But the many things the cell leaves to be desired, cheap fixtures, un-openable window, uncontrollable vent, industrial off-white walls, and an ancient tile floor that never quite looks clean. It has the amazing magical power of concealing anything that is dropped

by Q. Paige, San Quentin State Prison, CA All have heard, “If you don’t have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all!” I fully stand by this saying, “There is so much negativity in the world you don’t need to add to it. Be different. SPEAK LIFE! Encourage someone, inspire someone, uplift someone you could change the world one person at a time.”  Have you ever told someone “Good morning,” and their whole demeanor changes? If you haven’t tried it, say “Good morning sir or ma’am. Have a wonderful day.” Then as you walk away take a peak

by William Curl, Corcoran State Prison in Corcoran, CA Hey what’s up with the people?! Hope my last installment left y’all inspired, enlightened, and a little closer to establishing inner peace. Life’s been the way it’s always been for me here waiting on some change to happen. I mean I’ve accomplished the internal insight that’s helped me get familiar with myself,  but as we all know, the true test is in our response to external forces constantly testing who we say we are-are not.  This level two is an ugly testing ground that managed to fine tune my character beautifully.

by Angel Hurtado, Solano County Jail in Fairfield, CA I can’t stop, nothing has shown me some kind of directionAgain I sit here hating myself with overwhelming disappointmentI can’t stop, why is that?Chasing the satisfaction of deathNow that’s just factsI can’t stop, blaming others for all my pain and sufferingsBut realizing that I’m the one sweeping my feet right from under meI can’t stopLiving my life on the edge like I’m senselessNow look at me stuck in a cell looking at a life sentenceI can’t stopJust for a second to think on what I can do betterBut just putting my

by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA Rehabilitation of emotionally challenged human beings, takes people down a long, lonely road. Excavating the bones that carried the carcasses that created the fossil fuel that burned the rage inside of us, is no easy task. Can you imagine digging up a T-Rex? Staring into the skull of a terrifying T-Rex that once stalked you, hunted you down and gave you the scars that you now carry is the only way to describe the emotional pain, scars unseen carved by past trauma. “Digging up bones,” as Randy Travis once wrote, “Examine things

by Montreal Blakely, San Quentin State Prison, CA This is a story by a Black father who loses his son. Where a man should always be buried by his son, instead here I am burying my son. Lil’ Treal died December 15th, 2012. He was murdered by another Black Kid.  My son was a seventeen year old football star. He was a senior in high school with a 3.8 average. He had promised his mom and I that he was going to get it up to a 4.0 before he graduated. He wasn’t a perfect son, but he was a

by Thomas Sheen, Avenal State Prison in Avenal, CA Dear Thomas, I am sorry, I really made a mess of your life. In all fairness, you played a part in it as well, that’s why I’m writing to you. I want to give you some perspective. In your young life, your father, sister and older brothers will be absent and you’re going to experience some physical and emotional abuse from your mom and stepdad.  This will cause you to feel forgotten and rejected by your family. In school, you’re going to experience bullying in response to your kindness and you’ll

by Ernesto Sanchez, Pleasant Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA Before coming to prison, I knew little to nothing about “ethic,” let alone what it means for someone to have good “work ethics” in order to survive and be successful in life. I watched other people on the streets go about their day-to-day lives, and doing what they needed to get done by working and paying their bills, but I just assumed that it was something that they chose to do because they had no other choice.  I was wrong, however, it took a lot of years for me to