by AD, Sacramento
The way I cope with grief is by crying my eyes out. You know, letting your pain run down your face over and over, just feeling my body shudder with every tear.
I went through a moment of grave grief when I lost my church Bible study teacher/mentor about a month ago. He helped me through tournament competitions and basic bible study. He was even my camp mentor during summer bible camp. I hadn’t seen him since I was about fourteen years old. I had a brief, wonderful run-in with him about two weeks prior to his death. He brought back many happy memories for me.
The night after his death, I was told by a fellow friend of mine. I only remember reading the words, “Sal died last night of a heart attack.” I didn’t get through the rest of the message till the next morning. I dropped the phone and slid to the floor, gasping for air, trying to think, just hyperventilating over and over, thinking, “This can’t be. I just saw him.”
Tears of anger, disbelief, horror, and utter shock of pain through my body. I cried in my boyfriend’s arms for an hour just to lay alone in bed for three more with silent tears, not noticing time passing. I felt as if I had no more tears left to cry anymore. I thought to myself that I needed to take a second and collect myself. I took a breath as big as my lungs could hold and released all of what I thought was holding me in that state of grief. I started regulating my breathing and started reminiscing on how many good memories I had with him. How many good lessons he taught me. How he helped me to not only deal with my home life better but also to bring God into it.
I started writing poems of affirmations he taught me. Ways to pro and con a situation I was going through. I write my thoughts and feelings down in any way possible so that I know I can relinquish any pain I might be holding on to, to instead be grateful and find ways to be happy.
When the moment of grief hit me the next day, instead of spending hours on end crying I had a momentary cry and then took time to relish the happier memories and things I knew. So, my way of coping with grief is to cry for a while and turn it into a smile. Even in times of pain, there can be beautiful lessons; you just have to remember and look for them. Relish the good, not the bad.