by JA, Sacramento
I have seen a lot. Some I can’t talk about, growing up in the area I grew up in. You gotta stick and weave. If you know then you know. Some make it out, some don’t. Some get killed trying to make it out, some like bein’ even sixteen.
I have done seen so much when I was five. I’m not like the others and for sure not like others my age nor is my mind or person. A lot of people think I’m older than my age. I had to grow up fast. Do I like it, yeah? Do I use it for good? No and Yeah.
I seen one other person drag himself into a locker room with holes in him. He was on his way to greatness. He played for G High, he helped me after G passed with a lot and just because he hung with a gang, they took him, he was just in the car when it happened.
My lil brother, he was thirteen or fourteen, he got hit by a car on purpose. I was locked up when he passed, he got drove for blocks and died. He was just crossing the street. Lastly, my longtime friend, A, was at a store buying something to eat and got shot.
We were on Facetime an hour before. He was like a brother to me. He didn’t even bang, he just hung with us.
All I’m saying is no matter who you are you can get killed for anything. I don’t wish to go back. I went and seen too much. I’m glad I have passed it. I cry ‘bout this all the time, my quote is ‘the devil love company” and a “bullet has no name.”
Got me locked up in that cell. When you out, brother this, brother that, but ain’t sendin’ no mail, takin’ them L’s by myself. Nobody ‘round me could help this feeling like weed and some pills.
The only thing that could help are conversations with myself, go to sleep feeling like hell, going through it I’m on my knees talking to God and hopin’ He’s tryin’ His best, thinking at times it would be better if He calls me to rest, tryin’ to get through it day by day.
Yeah, I’m trying my best, pour my heart out in the best I can or know how. But to me my main priority is to make sure my family is taken care of. The things I need to do to accomplish this is first –
I need to have a real job and stop risking my freedom because when I am locked up, I no longer have the power to take care of my family. An example would be like if my family was in danger and I’m locked up.