We would like to welcome you readers back to another fabulous double dose edition, 25.41/42, of the one and only The Beat Within! There is so much goodness in this latest issue, and we are thrilled that you have taken this moment to read our latest editorial note. We are truly digging this ed note even more, give our dear friend and long-time colleague, OT, is back behind the computer giving us a dose of his truths, with the last issue’s wonderful editorial. What can we say about OT!? Our relationship goes back nearly 20 years. We first met this amazing colleague and teacher when he was a youngster in the hall in San Mateo County, where he was a participant in our writing workshops. Who would have known many years later we would solidify a great-great friendship that will go on forever. We love OT and our grateful for his work and his strong conviction and desire to give back to our Beat community.
It’s OT back once again from the big land of Nicaragua in Central America. It’s muggy out here and it’s still close to 90 degrees. I’m back this week again thinking how can I follow up with the last ed’s note I wrote. I re-read it and I was like damn! Who wrote that? Haha. I’m kidding! Man it’s hard sometimes expressing what you feel. I’m 35 years old and sometimes I find myself still getting mad over the little things that I shouldn’t be getting mad at. Sometimes I add stress to my day, when in reality I shouldn’t.
I’m going to touch on a subject that I’ve been seeing throughout the pages of the magazine. I’m going to speak about the word failure, and how failure affects us in all aspects but also, how we all have failed not only ourselves, our family, our community, but also the system itself. You see people life is all about giving and taking and if you give too much then you never take enough. And then if you take too much, you never have enough to give back.
So let’s take a look at the word failure and what it means, but not in its context itself, but how that applies to many different situations that you all experience. I see many pieces of writing talking about how your moms, dads, uncles, teachers, counselors, coaches, relatives and last not least, your very own friends/homies have failed you and let you down.
But let me ask y’all something before you start thinking about the last person that let you down and your blood gets all hot and boiling at instant coffee temperature. How many times have you let someone down? Whether that be a relative, loved one, a friend? Don’t say never, because guess what people? No one is perfect.
Let’s be real, there has to have been a time when you did let someone down, maybe inadvertently or on purpose. Think long and hard and for many of you reading this and are locked up, I’m pretty sure there are some loved ones out there waiting for you. I’m pretty sure you have at least a little brother, a little sister, a girl/boyfriend wondering why you left them alone on the outside world. Being locked up is hard ladies and gentlemen, let’s make sure we get that clear. No one likes their freedom being stripped away and worse not being able to talk, hug or spend time with those you love.
I’m going to share a personal experience because I too have sat in those same seats in juvenile hall. I remember when I finally caught my case in juvenile hall that would eventually lead me to meeting The Beat Within, I did almost 18 months between Juvenile Hall, Camp Glenwood (got kicked out from there) and did the rest of my time in Hillcrest Juvenile Hall.
I messed up during my time in Juvie which led me to extra time, and failed many people, like my mom, and the rest of my family. I put more importance to the street life and my homies like a true cynical psychopath and still expected my loved ones to put their lives on pause whenever I got in trouble, whenever I got arrested, caught a case, got shot, got robbed, etc. The list goes on!
See, failing someone and having someone fail you goes hand in hand, but there is a positive side to all this. After completing my four-year Federal prison term and getting deported to Nicaragua I felt like the biggest failure to my twin daughters. I promised them I would come back home after I did my time and I didn’t. Seven years later, I’m still in Nicaragua, as a failure as a dad to my kids, as a failure to be a brother to my sisters, as a failure as a nephew to my uncles and aunts and as a failure of my responsibilities of being an uncle to my nieces and nephews.
I want you all to listen closely, because this isn’t a pity party, and I call myself a failure because I DID FAIL, but I had and still have the power to make it right. I had to RECOGNIZE my FAILURES so I can work on them, and fix them. I had to fail to learn valuable lessons in life. I had to fail to appreciate this breath of fresh air even more. I had to fail to appreciate the rice and beans that I sometimes eat for dinner at night. I had to fail to be a better dad, a better brother, a better uncle, a better friend.
Now, I do everything I can to be available for all my loved ones. I’m always a phone call or text message, or email away from anybody who needs someone to talk to. I’m blessed to be there for my kids, to help them with their homework, talk to them when they are feeling down. The same goes with the rest of my family. I constantly text and speak with my sister Karla every day. Who knows if I would have been this available to all my loved ones if I were living in the United States? I may have caught another case, locked away with just 15-30 minutes to talk to my loved once a month. Shhh, I talk to my sister like maybe at least an hour a day, sometimes even more. When I call my aunt or she calls me it’s a 30-40 minute minimum phone call, mainly just her telling me how everything is in South San Francisco, telling me how my grandma is and how the family is dealing with the pandemic.
My Uncle Miguel, me and him text and talk all day. We talk like twice a day about life and mainly about sports. He’s retired with no kids. Who knows how lonely and bored he may get at times. He may need someone to just chop it up with and we talk, make friendly bets on games, and much more.
See My FAILURES in life stay vividly in the back of my mind like files in the cabinet drawer. I constantly remember and relive the pain of feeling like a failure and it’s not to get all sad or down and out about it, but it’s to remind me that it’s a feeling I never want to feel again.
I never want to fail my family and my loved ones again. That’s why I remind myself so often of the feeling. It’s easy to get comfortable, forget your past, and keep living your life recklessly, or fall into the same bad habits that you once had. But I’m here to tell you all that if you stay humble and remember your faults and mistakes, It’s okay to live with failure. It’s okay to fail. Just try not to do it again.
Failure is a part of all aspects of life, and that’s how we learn to be humble and better people. Look at famous athletes like Michael Jordan, Lebron James, Tom Brady, Steph Curry, Kevin Durant. All the aforementioned stars have lost playoff games and have been eliminated from the playoffs before they eventually became champions of their conference, and eventually the ultimate Champions of their respective leagues. Rappers, artists, doctors, lawyers, activists, teachers, they all had to fail at some point, but it’s about getting back up.
Now what’s the point to all this if this message may sound way too familiar to many of you. Well, the message is the following because it’s not just about YOU failing. You will have OTHERS around you fail you as well, sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident, sometimes by incompetency and sometimes because you need to realize that the people around you, loved ones, family which may be people that you admire and appreciate and respect, well they may fail you at times also. They’re not perfect. It will happen to all of us. Try to put yourself in their shoes and look at their perspective, but don’t be so judgmental. Learn how to forgive, forget, learn something from the lesson and move forward to get to where you want to go. Because I highly doubt that you all like where you’re sitting at today. Right?
Everyone wants a second, a third or maybe a fourth chance to do things right. So failure, don’t be afraid of it. Don’t be afraid to fail and don’t be upset when others fail you. Be strong and let the failure teach you just how bad you want to make it. Let it motivate you to never fail again. Look at me, I’m a failure, but I’m proud of it, because it made me into the man I am today. It made me a better father, a better uncle, a better brother, a better nephew, a better friend, a better teacher, a better writer and most importantly of all it made me a better servant to my community, especially our writing community known as The Beat Within.
So next time someone fails you, ask them, what you can do to help them not fail the next time. Do your part. Failure is a two-way street that we all can help each other to never go down that path again.
OT is signing out. One love to everybody lockdown during these difficult times. We’re in this together, and The Beat keeps going and going…
So next time someone fails you, ask them, what you can do to help them not fail the next time. Do your part. Failure is a two-way street that we all can help each other to never go down that path again. You guys OT is signing out. One love to everybody lockdown during these difficult times. We’re in this together, and The Beat keeps going and going…
Well said, OT. We truly appreciate the hard truths that come with your thoughtful piece on failure. Thank you again. This issue goes out to all of you who are determined to pick yourself up and better your life! We all believe in you. Stay writing! Stay working on bettering your life. You can do it!! See you all soon! Reach out anytime.