Greetings! We welcome back you readers to another fabulous edition, 25.39/40, of the one and only The Beat Within. This latest issue is packed with wonderful writings and art from our many outstanding contributors and friends. We know there is plenty to read and share, so we are thrilled that you have this latest issue in your hands. This week we have asked our long-time friend and colleague, OT, to write this latest editorial note. There is no need to give you any further background, given OT will take it from here…
I was introduced to The Beat Within, a long time ago, while I was serving time in Hillcrest Juvenile Hall. Eventually when I got out, I was eighteen, still involved with the lifestyle, you know? Throughout my time that I worked for The Beat Within, I became great friends with different people, that worked there, but I built a real close relationship with two particular men, Michael Kroll and David Inocencio. During my time working at The Beat Within, I was still living on the edge and eventually caught a case, which led to a four year Federal Prison term, that also ended with me being deported to my native country of Nicaragua.
Funny how I had to say native country, when in reality my mom illegally crossed several borders to bring me to America when I was three years old, all in the name of searching for a better life. At the time, 1989, my country was in a civil war, or just about ending, so “the better way of life” that she dreamed of in this great country called “America” didn’t turn out to be the better way of life that she expected.
I have to admit my faults, that I put my mama through a lot of shhh when I was young. She did all she could to be a great mom, and at times also had to play the father role because of course, like many, I didn’t have my dad. She went to my baseball games as a kid, took me out and gave me attention, but my mom was young and liked to party. There were times where I had to spend nights by myself because she chose to go out and have a good time. But I don’t hold that against her.
Just to be clear, I love my mom to death, with all her faults and all. We don’t see eye to eye on many things, in fact, I would say that we don’t see eye to eye on practically everything, but the reason why I bring this up is because I want to touch on something very important that my mom asked me when she came to visit me in Nicaragua this last December of 2019.
She asked me the following: “Omar, now that you are grown and mature and know right from wrong, and know what the consequences of your actions are. Knowing what you know now and knowing that the consequences of your actions would have you deported to Nicaragua away from your daughters, from me, from your family and your loved ones; would you do everything different? Would you have still decided to join gangs and sell drugs? Or would you have chosen a different path?”
Now, this was a great question from my mom, and of course I didn’t give her the answer she wanted to hear because as always we don’t agree on things. Yep, you guessed it people. I said “NO, and a matter of fact I said HELL NO! Now, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of regrets in my life, but mistakes are a part of life. Mistakes are suppose help us learn. Yeah there are plenty of mistakes I would like to have back, but after reflecting a little bit, I’m glad my life turned out the way it did. Mistakes helped me become the man I am today.
If I didn’t get involved with the street life and an early age and didn’t go to Hillcrest Juvenile Hall, I never would have met The Beat Within. The Beat Within, affected the trajectory of life heavily. When I got out of Juvenile Hall I was able to get a job at The Beat Within and with the help of David I was able to rise within the organization and become a supervisor. I was able to give jobs to people coming out of the system, just in the same way The Beat did for me. I was able to reciprocate that same love that the people at The Beat gave me.
During my time at The Beat, I still couldn’t leave the streets. I hit rock bottom a few times, and The Beat Within was always there for me. When I say The Beat Within, I’m not talking about just the magazine I’m talking about the people there like Pauline Craig (May God bless her soul) I’m shedding tears mentioning this wonderful woman, Mario Navarro, Sheerly Avni, Michael Kroll, Sandy Close, just to name a few, and I still have their letters in my dresser ‘till this very day.
The people of The Beat Within gave me the benefit of the doubt that no one else gave me in life. The people of The Beat Within gave me hope when I felt hopeless. When I got beat up and robbed by the police, no one believed me, not even my own family. It’s actually funny that only my Camp Glenwood PO Mr. Robinson, David I, and Michael Kroll were the only ones that believed me.
My relationship with The Beat Within is obviously real personal, and maybe a little more personal than many other people can relate to. But I mention The Beat and these people because these are the people that I received a letter from while I was in jail. These people visited, showed up to my court dates and much more. Because of the love and vote of confidence that they gave me, even though they were not my blood, that allowed me to see that there were good people in this world. It allowed me to reverse my mentality that I had obtained from 2Pac’s famous song and album, “Me Against The World.” It was never me against the world.
I had somebody that had my back, matter of fact I had SEVERAL people that had my back, even at times when I messed up. It was never about me being against the world. It wasn’t about what the world owed me. The world doesn’t owe me nothing! It helped chang my mind to “What can I do for the world?” How can I find someone that needs help, and help them out?
I’ve done things in my life that at times won’t let me sleep at night, and there are times where doubts creep into my mind and have me thinking to myself, “what did I do to deserve all these blessings?” I may not be the judge of that. Only God knows what he does. But someone on my shoulder is telling me to go out in this world and give it everything I have to offer.
I did my almost five years on my Federal Prison term, bouncing around from SHU, to SHU because of fights and my old lifestyle. But during my term, I was able to read, and educate myself. I was able to share my last pieces of food, when there was no food with somebody that wasn’t my blood by relation. I was able to talk people out of committing suicide. I was able to give this love to the world in places where there was no love. I was able to give hope in the most hopeless places.
I was in a county jail in Nevada and they put me in a nasty lockdown because they said I was a validated gang member. It really tested my faith. In this hole/lockdown you weren’t allowed to have anything, not even a bible. No soap, no commissary, no paper, no pencil, no nothing. My cell was dark. No light. My toilet only flushed twice a day.
I stayed there about ten days, but out of those ten days, I was only let out my cell, once for a phone call and once to talk to the sergeant so he could try to let me out in mainline, 15 to 20 minutes at the most people. There were people in there crying because they were there for 8 hours, one day, two days, knowing that they would be let out in a day or so and back to the freedoms that you enjoy inside jail, like your commissary, your books, magazines, TV’s and be able to see the sun on your yard time. I went like 6 months without seeing the sunshine. But The Beat Within, my heart, never allowed me to give up. I knew because of the stories that I read inside this very magzine, that someone always had it worse.
I may have went off topic with this, but my conclusion to all of this is the following. Would I do it all over and differently, no folks. I’m a man and I accept the consequences of my actions. I hold myself accountable and if my destiny is here to be in Nicaragua for who knows for how long, then here I am. It’s time to show people everything I learned, everything life taught me, and everything The Beat taught me.
This life isn’t about me, matter of fact this life ain’t about you. This life is all about purpose, and your purpose is to make an impact on someone else’s life. Make this life that you have about someone else. Make your next decision based on how can you help your peers. How can I put my selfish feelings to the side, and show someone that love exists in this world? How can I defy the odds that were stacked against me? Against us?
If you are reading this, especially during this pandemic, The Beat and all programs continue on, we are working very hard with our partners to go the digital route, to keep ensuring that we keep projecting your voices. When you think that no one cares, you’re wrong. We care. I care. The Beat cares, your counselor cares, the person you least expect cares.
Would I do things over? No. Embrace the consequences of your actions and figure out how you can use the people around you to help better yourselves and your community. There is a popular saying, that it takes a village to raise a child and it’s true. So, to all my aunts, my uncles, my real friends, and even my haters, the people that helped me out in any way, and most importantly THE BEAT, you made me into the man I am today. I thank you.
The people that ever doubted me, that just motivated even more to make it in life. That just motivated me to rise above everything. That just motivated me even more to motivate others that needed motivation. So it’s never you or me against the world. It’s US against whoever. We’re in this together, for reals! Stay motivated and have love in your heart. This world is beautiful, but that’s only if you make it, and that’s only if you want it to be.
OT is signing out! One love to everyone going through the struggle! The Beat keeps going and going…
Thank you OT, for sharing your truths. It is truly an honor to work with you. All right friends, enjoy this latest issue of The Beat Within. We appreciate your participation and all you give through your writings and art. If you are moving on, please stay in touch. We’d love to hear from you. There is a place for you in our pages. Stay safe, be well.