We would like to welcome you readers back to another double dose edition, 26.41/42, of the one and only The Beat Within. This is the only magazine keeping it real for you readers one thousand percent for 25 years! This week we pass the mic or should we say keyboard to our dearest colleague, OT. Most of you know OT by now, if it’s through this editorial note, or for the few of you who have met him over Zoom in our workshops. Regardless, he is great person with plenty of heart and we think his following message will truly speak to you all.
This is OT reporting live to you once again from the country of grand lakes, and earth that quakes, and hot weather! First and foremost, I would like a warm embrace to all you readers and contributors to our magazine. I hope that when you read this you are in the best place physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
I was inspired by our brothers in San Quentin, in the last issue they wrote on the topic Why Me? This is a very popular theme. Matter of fact, these two words are so popular for many of us, because in life we all are victims of something. These two words are common in the world by most of us. Why me? Why did this have to happen to me? Why did it have to be my brother that died? Why did I have to go jail? Why was I born poor? Why do I have to take on extra responsibilities? Why me? Why do I have to take the trash out? Why did I have to see my father hit my mother? Why? Why? Why? Why?
When I came to California at the age of about four years old, I had to learn the language, the lingo, the culture. I had to work twice as hard as others that were already born here, that already knew the language, that already knew the culture et cetera, et cetera. I had to stay a couple hours after school every day learning English. I wasn’t the only one in the class. There were other Latinos, Asians, Middle Eastern, and all other minorities.
I secretly hated going to these classes for two hours every day, meanwhile the rest of my classmates would be playing outside, tag, kickball, riding bikes. I was five years old already asking myself, why me? Pretty stupid when I look back on it, but as a young five year old, I noticed everybody else in that class with me. I usually was the first one done with all the work. I was always on point, and since I was a quick learner, I would receive free time to play video games on the computers. Why not me, right?
I was one of the kids that made the creators of that program seem like that English learning program was actually working. I saw many kids struggle in that class, but I didn’t. Even though this was a challenge I obviously had no way out of it, I learned to embrace challenges because of this program because the next years to come I was the best reader in my class. Who would’ve known a young Nicaraguan immigrant kid was reading better and faster than any other kid born in America!? I was already reading 5th and 6th grade books in the second grade. I loved to read. I learned while I read, and I still love it to this very day.
Let me fast forward. Why me, became a popular slogan for every time I went through something I felt like I didn’t deserve. I grew up in an abusive household. I saw my stepdad beat up my mom and vice versa. My mom wasn’t no punk either. I saw my family get into fist fights, arguments. I grew up and experienced death at a young age. I remember getting locked up for like my third or fourth time in juvenile fighting felony charges, and thinking in my cell why me? Why me? I hadn’t known it then, but I would come across this publication called The Beat Within, which would take me down an amazing journey in life. I would eventually get out after doing eighteen months between the halls and the ranch and work for The Beat Within and created some lifelong-lasting friendships.
I would end up catching another case, and another case, eventually getting sent to Federal Prison. Again, why me? This time the stakes were a little higher because I was a gang member, why me I thought? There were times during my prison bid, that I felt like I wasn’t going to make it home. What I mean by that is that I felt like I was either going to get taken out, or do something and get caught for it, that wouldn’t allow me to return.
But I made it and I’m here to tell it, but again, why me? I’m a good guy. Yeah right. I fought my immigration case so I wouldn’t get deported and almost won it, but the government shutdown in 2012-2013 ruined my chances of winning my appeal. I was deported to my native country of Nicaragua, again here we go, why me? During my time in Texas Federal Detention, I studied immigration laws, and became a jailhouse lawyer not because I wanted to. At first it started off with translating documents for others that were fighting their cases. But for those of you who don’t know, Immigration civil court, You have no right to an attorney. The government doesn’t give you a public defender if you don’t have an attorney. If you don’t have one, you’re assed out.
Many immigration lawyers take advantage of this and charge immigrants cash up front and never even show up to their court dates. I was one of those. My family paid $7,000 to a top lawyer that never even went to one of my court dates. Needless to say, he stole my family’s money. I would go to my court dates and he was supposed to be there in a phone conference, and he wouldn’t even show up by phone conference! The judge felt bad for me and asked me if I wanted to represent myself. Why me? At that point, I hadn’t known anything about immigration laws. Of course, I said yes, thinking to myself out loud, why me?
Furious, disappointed, but determined I started studying. People saw me in the law library more, and more people asked for help on filling out there citizenship forms, organizing their documents, translating their evidences, and before you know it, it was like when I was five and learning English again. The immigration paperwork, translations and document filing had become second nature to me. I dedicated a lot of my time helping out others who were in the same position as me, or even worse.
I helped I would say at least 60-75 different people and single handedly won like eight cases. The judge started knowing my name in the courtroom because I always signed my name on the documents, because by law I had to. Needless to say, as many cases that I won for many others, I couldn’t win mine and I was deported to Nicaragua. Why me? Why not me? My whole life has been a process of learning from others and passing on that knowledge to improve other people’s way of life.
I went to prison and got educated. Had I still been in the streets, who knows if I’d be alive. So, why not me? Why not go through all these life obstacles, overcome them, conquer them and come out on top? Nobody likes to hear the stories of those who were born rich, or born with a silver spoon in their mouths. You almost expect them to be at the top. We all enjoy it when the underdog takes down the favorite home team. We all love to see the protagonist in a movie suffer, before he comes storming back, getting rid of all his enemies, and staying with the girl of his dreams. Right?
Why me? As, I continue to mature and reflect on my life, I realize that it was never about why me? Why do I have to suffer, or why do I have to work twice as hard as others. Why me, is a stigma of comparison to other people’s lives that we automatically assume that they are living the perfect life. Like people don’t have obstacles. Granted, not everyone goes through the exact same thing, but we all experience pain, we all lose loved ones, we all get sick, we all bleed the same. We all have embarrassing moments. We all have challenges, so why not embrace them?
Just think about how boring life would be living in a utopia where everything seems perfect? Impossible. There is so much work to be done in life. Changes that need to be made in our society, to give everyone a fair chance to be successful. But to get there, we all need to stop asking ourselves that question why me?
Let’s start asking ourselves why not me? I was placed in this situation because I can make a difference for someone. I could make an impact in someone’s life. I could inspire someone today to help someone else out, so why not me? Why not you?
The funny thing is when we finally overcome our challenges, and stand victorious like a gladiator in the middle of the arena, no one ever asks, why me? We usually think, that’s it? That’s all you’re gonna throw at me? Tall, proud, with our confidence at the highest level it can reach on the thermometer. Be proud people, and always rise to the challenge. You were chosen to deal with these obstacles because you were built to overcome them.
One love to everybody locked down in the struggle. OT signing out with all the love and respect. And The Beat keeps going and going…
What an inspiring story and message OT delivers! We hope you too have found inspiration in this latest message that our dear friend delivered. Thank you as always for taking the time to embrace The Beat Within. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us, we’d love to hear from you. Your story matters!