-Donald, San Quentin State Prison, CA
As I was growing up, I was someone who, for the most part, went with the flow because it was easier. I knew what to expect and it was less painful, and less disappointing.
When I did make plans and they fell through for whatever reason, I would take it personal and see it as a reflection of how others saw me. I was a failure. That ultimately became my truth about myself which caused me to miss out on so many opportunities to prove others and myself wrong.
It was easier to just go with the flow because then I could blame others when I failed from the bad choices that I made. By going with the flow, I could fit in and feel as though I belonged. Going with the flow helped me to adapt to whatever situation I was in.
Eventually, going with flow kept me from trying and doing for myself. It held me back from being creative and from being curious in a good way about others, the world, and even about myself. It kept me from who I was, what my likes and dislikes were, my wants, my needs, and who I felt I wasn’t and how I felt.
Eventually as I got older, going with the flow wasn’t doing it for me anymore. I now needed to know where I stood with others, so I could know how much energy and effort to put into something or someone.
Today, I’m mostly a planner because I want control over my own life. At least to the extent that I can, when I have greater control, it will give me a greater sense of accomplishment.
I’m making better choices for my own life, not just going with the flow and silencing my voice.