My Memory of My Best Birthday Breakfast

by Angel, San Mateo The best breakfast I have ever had was many years ago. It was my morning birthday breakfast, if I remember correctly. I think it was on my 11th birthday. I don’t really remember all the details, but I do remember some things. I remember waking up and smelling my favorite meal which was chile rellenos, red Mexican rice, posole and this good hot sauce my mom would make. Since it was my birthday my little cousins and my siblings woke me up and started singing happy birthday to me. I was a little mad at first

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Advocating For The Mentally Ill

by Michael Mackey, San Quentin State Prison, CA Well, all right all right, how’s everyone doing on what was a fine day. My name is Michael Mackey and I’m here today to be an advocate for the incarcerated mentally ill.  Question, by a show of hands, how many of you in the audience right now, have been incarcerated for over five years? (Interesting). The ones that have been locked up for that long are the ones most affected by this problem and we should be able to fix this problem.  See there’s around 200,00 incarcerated men and women dealing with

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What Went Down

by Sir Royal LeBlanc, Kern Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA I wake up in cold sweats, and I’m breathing heavyI’m seeing double but I’m trying to get my eyes steadyAnother dream that continues to haunt my soulTrue life events that I’ve never toldNeeding to just let it all outSo this is how this situation came aboutThe homie and I were sitting in my carWe got out to go into the storeBut we see our rivals coming from afarWe turn to run in the other directionBut it was too late they was already flexingI made it back to the car

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Early Trauma

by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA I think one of the most devastating issues I have never really addressed was being locked in a dryer at a laundry mat when I was three years old.  Being locked in a dryer at age three started out funny. My sisters (age 5 and 9 at the time) were laughing, as it all seemed like a game. The laundry mat was empty, besides our mother, my two sisters, and myself. Washing machines made up the center rows and the dryers lined up against the walls with elevated entry level windows, easy

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Ed Note 26.45/46

Greetings friends! Welcome to double issue 26.45/46!  We know you will LOVE the writings featured in this latest issue, but before you check out the whole magazine, allow us to share the other night. Thanks to the support and sponsorship of the California Endowment, our 25th Anniversary online event “Why I Write”. The night was amazing, with heartfelt stories, poems and testimonies from former Beat writers followed by questions from the audience. We could not ask for a better writer and friend to break down the other night’s festivities than OT, who will share his take on this past Sundays

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Improvement

by Mia, Santa Cruz To improve my future, I’m going to stop repeating the same cycle that I have been in since I was thirteen. I’m tired of coming in the hall. I’m tired of court dates and most of all, I’m tired of POs and judges telling me what I can and can’t do.  I want to live my own life without restrictions. I want to be free from all the drama that goes on around me. I want to be my own person. I want to move and put these last couple of years in the past. I

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Trouble

by Teebenjii, Alameda Looking in your eyes I see troubleI can tell that you been thuggishI don’t wanna talkCan you just leave me aloneYou hurt me deep when I was down to my lowestI needed you and you didn’t give a shhh ‘bout meGrowin’ all this pain I been shownAin’t never stop, just keep on flowin’.

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Appreciate Life Before It’s Gone

by Camila, Sonoma “Your entire life can change in an instant. So instead of passively taking what you have for granted, be grateful for it and do whatever good you can with it.” – Anonymous I took a lot of things for granted when I was younger, like my family. I never really cared about no one but myself. I was always by my myself, until one day I got locked up when I was thirteen and went away for three years. In those years, being locked up, I realized who was really there for me. My mom and my

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A Memorable Surprise

by Ray Bands, San Francisco The first time I got a hover-board, I asked my God-mom, right? I just asked just because like I really didn’t want her to get it. You dig what I’m saying? But peep this: every Christmas she gets me one thing. No matter whatever it is, she will get me it. So, I kind of knew she would get me it if I begged. I bet I wasn’t going to do all that.  So, it was this one Christmas and I kind of knew she got it, so I woke up and ran to the

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