Category Archives: The Beat Without

The Beat Within and It’s Readers

by Julias Humphrey

Let me rst say Thank You for publishing my words for other people to read, especially our young. We all must understand their position in the adversity of life today because it is much harder for them in contrast to when I was a child which brings me to my topic – the “School-to-Prison Pipeline”. What’s the main causation and how do we stop it?

Along with this writing you will nd a copy of the response I recently received from President Barack Obama. I wrote him concerning his visit to El Reno Federal Penitentiary (in Oklahoma). When he sat down and spoke to six of the prisoners, it had meaning to him – this is what he later said to the press “these are young people who made mistakes that aren’t that different than the mistakes I made and the mistakes that a lot of you guys made. The difference is they did not have the kinds of support structures, the second chances, the resources that would allow them to survive those mistakes.” (Inside Journal, volume 24, No. 4, Fall 2015, Prison Fellowship’s Newsletter for America’s prisons – Pope and President visit prisoners, page 4.) read more

My Intro

by Jeremy Willis

Hello, my name is Jeremy Willis and I am incarcerated in Valley State Prison in Chowchilla, California. I was talking to two of my friends in here and one I’ve known for 12 years now and they both write articles and poems for the Beat Within. They talked me into letting you know my story with hopes that it will change at least one person’s thinking about being in a gang or doing drugs.

I was in a lot of group homes in the East Bay for the rst ten years of my life and at ten I got adopted and moved to Farmersville in Tulare County.

I joined a gang at eleven years old because I was looking for love and acceptance in the wrong place. I started going to Juvie when I was thirteen years old and fourteen years old. I was introduced to crank (meth) by an older friend of mine and that changed my life forever. read more

My Message to You All

by Trey L. Pike

“To have once been a criminal is no disgrace. To remain a criminal is the disgrace”

– Malcolm X.
Many of us are caught in the cycle of incarceration. Is crime about

decisions or is there more to it? For those who believe you have made a change in your life, what helped you to transition into becoming a responsible citizen? For those in the process of transformation, what do you need to help you get out of the criminal lifestyle?”

I am 24 years old, covered in tattoos, just paroled from the “notorious” High Desert State Prison in Susanville, California, where I know more people than I do not around me. I have seen and been a part of riots, stabbings, removals, ghts, suicides, etc. etc. etc. You can say I’m “somebody” in here. I am doing seven more years currently after only being out of prison for eight months. read more

What’s up Beat and Beat Readers!

by Thomas Weed

It’s me, Thomas Weed, once known as Confusing Mind so many years ago when I had the opportunity to participate in workshops ran by Matt and Michael. Now, over a decade later I find myself serving a seven year 8-month sentence because well, I guess I still hadn’t learned my lesson.

Having touched each and every part of the criminal justice system, I’ve seen first-hand how broken it really is. From Juvie to Group homes, to County  programs to Prison. Entire novels have been penned by far greater minds than mine, mapping out the school to the prison pipeline. It’s a given that life is unfair.

As much as I’d love to say we all have an equal chance to succeed, the simple truth is that this is not so. The underclass is at a disadvantage, straight up. So basically, if you were born into a poor family, raised in a shitty neighborhood, or look suspicious to a clean cut white man with a badge or a cellphone then you need to try extra hard and work that much more to avoid the cuffs and this is coming from a white man who is color blind. read more

A Note From Up The Creek…

by Russ 

Once upon a time, I wanted to be just like my dad. He was an outlaw, a tough guy, and was “running things.” When I was nine years old Dad was killed. He had been out of prison for exactly forty-two hours.

Two days before he was released, I was removed from the only home I’d ever known, Grandma’s. Turns out my mother had regained custody of my sister and me. I was driven five-hundred miles north and delivered to my mother, who I hardly knew at all.

Over the next two months I was notified of not just my father’s murder, but my Uncle David’s as well. Then Grandmamma also died. I was told that my father and Uncle David were both killed in an outlaw biker club war. They both rode with the Hells Angels.

I was to spend the next three years lost and alone, eventually abused by my mother’s new husband. I became full of shame and self-hatred. That was four decades ago. This is the first time I publically shared that fact. I lived with and medicated that shame and self-hatred for 36 years. read more

To The Beat Within

By Cristian Bost

I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart by getting my message out there. When you guys sent me the November publication of The Beat Within with my short message, it made my day.  The majority of these kids are going through the same thing I went through as a child, from feeling abandoned, to feeling nobody cared about me and that I had nothing to lose, but that is why they need to know people do care about them.

I am sending you this drawing I did to show my appreciation for all your hard-work and dedication. This world needs more people like you guys.

The drawing has a lot of meaning to me. I chose to use the word “adversity,” because it signifies the struggle that some of us face with incarceration. The heart to me defines strength. I also chose to go with wings, because to me wings defines the freedom we have.  Whether that be inner freedom or outer freedom. read more

Something You’ve Never Done

by Harry Goodall

The main thing I want to do is be a dad. I have two kids, but have missed all of their lives because of a prison sentence. I feel that just because I helped in the creation of my kids does not make me a dad.  I’m just a donor. It’s other scenarios that had complicated me being involved in their lives, but I have had to learn to live with that.  If I didn’t place myself in prison maybe the restrictions wouldn’t be there. After all, you’re not placed in prison because you’re a good guy.

As a result of missing all of their lives, there is some resentment in how my kids feel about me. They are not to blame. How can you explain to someone that has needed you all their lives, that you felt the crime you committed, that you had to do it. I have estranged relationships with my kids. It’s sort of hard for them to accept me and what I can offer them as I have always been missing from their life. read more

Sharing Our Deepest Scars

by Keith Erickson

The scars of my childhood are the very parts of me that so many men like me, incarcerated men, want to keep locked away from the rest of the world around them. The Alternatives to Violence Project Workshops bring out the courage in men that you would never expect to witness within a prison. This weekend was like a whirlwind of emotions and laughter that left many of us crying, yet with the realization that our personal afflictions are so much bigger than just ourselves—they also belong to so many others within and outside of these granite walls.

Fatherhood/Parenting: this was the focus of this weekend’s workshop. New faces, some familiar, yet uncharted territory for many of us to share due to the scars that are concealed beneath the billboard display of tattoos that take up much of our bodies. It is a well-known fact amongst us prisoners; the Alternatives to Violence Project is designed to make you uncomfortable in order to make you comfortable. There is no growth without the pain of finally beginning to confront the damage that’s been done to you, including the damage we’ve all been guilty of doing to others. That’s the beauty of these workshops: we learn to love, trust, and support men around us regardless of where it is that we’ve been, all within a crash-course un-fold of three days. In the bigger picture, we’re restoring our humanity while helping one another heal. read more

Your Life Has Value

by Christian Bost

What I’m about to tell you is not a story, but rather a reality of my life. The reality is that I was seventeen years old, tried as an adult, and fighting for my life, praying to God that I wouldn’t have to spend the rest of my life in prison for murder.

I grew up in the streets of Los Angeles, CA. I was raised in a household with just my mom and four brothers. My dad wasn’t around because, when I was just three years old, while he was locked up in his cell, his cellie decided to murder my dad.

So, growing up without my father always left this emptiness in my heart. My mom always worked hard to provide a roof over my head, but there was one thing that I felt she didn’t provide: unconditional love. It was the emotional support that I desperately needed. I would always do things to get her attention; usually to get her attention was to act up, and ultimately getting jumped into my gang. That sure got her attention. read more

Juvenile Emancipation

by Brandon Martinez

Looking back over this ole life, a young buck adolescent, sitting there in front of a judge quite perplexed of my hearing being conducted for emancipation, often throughout the proceedings I was a bit baffled. As a teen, I lacked the intellectual ability to comprehend the magnitude for his decision to be rendered. Although factors were taken into account by the judge at his discretion, perhaps I should have provided some input, certainly the task was exclusively delegated to him, with such an imperative crucial decision at stake. To not object by advocating on my own volition was a mistake, I can’t change the past of what transpired that day.

What I can do is convey to you that if you ever encounter this predicament as a youngster, please make the proper decision in your best interest. See the broad picture of life. For certainly there’ll be fallout as a result of you being granted emancipation. Absolutely, to some extent for the time being in the moment it will appear you’ll lap in the luxury of freedom with the yoke of the parental reign dismantled. read more