The End Of My Beginning

by Big Boone

I used to question life. I used to plot on the lives of others with malicious intent. My own life was a test to see how far I could push myself: how much I could take and how it would change me, to hurt another person, to have low regard for life. How would it make me feel; would I be the same person after that I was before? Would it make me a better person or a worse person? Would I feel sorry or not?

The things I did and things I learned made me the person I am today. The person I am is the person I wanted to be and knew I would become: a strong individual, who can survive when others would die, who could stand in the storm of life (guns, gangs, drugs, death, poverty, prison) and say “you can’t break me”. I am a person who has nothing and still strives to live; who does not fear death; who does things just because I can. The life I lived is what made me the person I am. I’m a firm believer in the idea that what makes you laugh will make you cry. What makes you will break you.

Life is what made me, so a life is what changed me. On January thirty first Juliena Elizabella was born and I became a father. I have to change. It’s not an idea or question. It’s a fact. I can’t imagine my daughter not knowing me or not loving me. Everything I do from this day forward will be in my daughter’s name.

Although I am sentenced to ten years, I will get out earlier on good behavior and will obtain skills that will feed my family and allow me to give my daughter all she could want and need. I will never tell my daughter no. I may tell her to wait or hold on, but I will never say no. I will never hit my daughter or allow anyone else to hit her. I will answer all her questions as honestly as I can, whether the answer is good or bad. I will also try to get along with my baby mama. So I guess I got a change.