Trying to Escape, Only to Not Escape

by Brianna

Instead of confronting my fears of sadness and agony, I tend to run away from them. Most of the time, well the in-between time, I can escape it. Though when I get tired of all the running, I sit back and watch it catch up to me. So I can never say I didn’t see something coming. The escape is always temporary.

My form of running is altering my state of mind with drugs to force myself not to have to face all realities of the world and to lift the burden that weighs so heavily on me. At least it would take me away from it.

I also tend to try to run away from all government of cials like the cops, probation, and the judge. When I run I feel like I regained the freedom and liberty that I was promised from birth.

I see a way out, but the only way to get out is if you stop running and stride toward the things you’re running from and pass them up. We run to a place where no one can nd us. No running doesn’t make your life better, but it does make us feel better. The constant pains, sadness, thoughts, depressions, and eagerness to move elsewhere in life cause us to run. Then as we watch the things we are running from approach us and we are held captive again, we wish we never ran and just faced the world in the rst place. Like I said everything in life, even your life itself, is only temporary.

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THE BEAT WITHIN/The Crime Report

Today, the Crime Report, based in New York City, picked up, posted,
and is featuring the powerful contribution from our colleague and
friend, Emile DeWeaver, who tackles his journey through the
“school-to-prison pipeline.”

We can’t wait to share the news with Emile and our writing group this weekend, when we participate in The Beat Within’s monthly writing workshop inside San Quentin State Prison.

We hope you will give a read and share with your community
http://www.thecrimereport.org/

The Butterfly Effect: “Everything You Do Matters”
http://www.thecrimereport.org/news/inside-criminal-justice/2016-02-everything-you-do-matters

THE BEAT WITHIN/JJIE

Greetings friends,

Today, the JJIE (Juvenile Justice Information Exchange) based in
Kennesaw, Georgia, picked up and posted Beat writer and juvenile
lifer, Jensen Ramos’, “Broken Promises and Heartache” piece that he
sent to us from the California State Prison Los Angeles in Lancaster,
California.

Late last year, The Crime Report picked up this piece and now to our
surprise the JJIE is running it as well.  We too think it is a fabulous piece of writing that we can only hope will touch many of our
young people living on the edge who may unfortunately find themselves in such a position.

This story was originally posted in The Beat Within issue, 20.49/50.
It was Jensen’s goal to reach our many readers through our publication and now his work is touching even more lives through the JJIE community.

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Down But Not Out

by Eddie “Edito” DeWeaver

There have been many times in my life where I felt that I could not go on. It seemed, with my short-sightedness, that there were outside forces in my life that were overwhelmingly greater than me.

There were times in my youth that I felt like nobody cared about me and I would isolate myself by hiding away in a closet to cry. For some reason, I believed that life should be fair, and as a result of feeling powerless, I would not want to go on in this world. In these closet appointments, I feared to be caught in the act of crying, because then I would appear weak. Ironically, for someone who was tired of this unfair life, I sure was concerned about living.

For a lack of trust, the closet was a space for me to be vulnerable with myself. My short-sightedness became a source of stress and anxiety about the future.

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