Flashback To Flashback

by Snoopy

I hate waking up in this cell knowing this is not a dream. I hate having the same damn food every day, even hearing the same ignorant voices and seeing the same faces. Drives me crazy, I feel like beating their heads, especially the ignorant ones.

Knowing that I’m going to be here a while sucks. I wish I can go home. After they find out that I’m innocent, I will sue them for everything they got, this shhh is so stupid.

When I get out, I plan to make some money, get the things I want and need. I hope when I get out I will be out of high school. Being out of high school is going to be great. All my friends have to go to school while I get to chill, drive around, get money, or start college.

I’m locked in a cell for a crime I did not commit. They want me to plead guilty, they say if I don’t I will be tried as an adult. I guess I got to do what needs to be done. I feel like I’m getting played this same bullshhh. I ask God every day, please give me the patience, and love and joy to get through this tribulation.

If you guys got no one to be there for you, you are wrong, you got God. Talk to him, tell him the truth, pray, ask for that blessing, because he will help. No matter what you did, he will always love you. I’m just hoping that the Lord blesses me to a group home or my home, but if he doesn’t then I will be going to DJJ until I’m twenty-three. All I got to say is, God please bless me, my mom, my sisters, and my nephew and God bless you.

I want some pizza but I’m stuck in jail, what is crazy is I might end up in youth prison. I never saw myself in this position, but I’m in it so I got to find a way out of it. Everyday is a new day, so for every new day I gain a new personal act to be a better person. I don’t really like my old lifestyle but I had to get things done for a reason. I think about going back to that lifestyle, but I’m not sure if I can do it. I want to live the right way but I’m not sure if I can give it all up. I feel like I got no hope of getting out, no one feels the way I do. I miss my family so much. I hope I get out because I think I’m going a little crazy in here. Lord please, help me.

When you get locked up and in a pod with a lot of people, all they do is try to make you feel bad, put you down. When they try that with me, I just look at them like they are dumb. I hate this place. I hope I don’t come back here. The staff treat us like crap, they make their own rules, which we can’t say nothing about. Going to school here is bull shhh because you do hella work for just one credit and you feel like “what’s the point of doing the work?”

If I graduate I plan on getting a job or moving out of my mom’s. When I get out, I’m going to make sure I make lots of money and get a lot of stuff. And I’m going to take care of my mom, sisters, and my nephew.

I feel like I have been cheated, all these people want me to be locked up. I hate all these people. All I want to do is go home, spend time with my family and live a new life. When I sit up at night, just thinking of this beautiful girl of mine, just drives me crazy. I love her so much. She has been there for me when I needed help or when I was down. Being in here and her not knowing makes me think she’s panicking. When I get out I plan to make a kid with her. I hope it’s a boy, I’ll name him after me, he will be a third. I would like to make a son, teach him new things, help him be a great man, have him study, work out, and help him get a job. I want him to be a better me. I want him mentally and physically strong. He will go to church, he will study, help around the house, hang with nice kids and learn new languages for school.

Things I like to do… mmm… let me think. Well, I like music. I play the drums, I am a fast learner and can keep a beat. I went to a place called ‘Performance Arts,’ they saw that I was working real hard and they gave me a full scholarship to continue my music. During my music program I got into other things like dancing, acting, and filming programs. I was pretty good in most of them.

I was in a bad neighborhood that was so bad, that people were getting killed in front of my house or on the corner. Just a bad neighborhood, but I kept myself away from that and did positive things.

If you guys are having a bad time in your hood, look for something good or just pack up and leave, and make a new life to be more happy for yourself. I’m in a house with my cousin. We look in a closet, at the top there is a bag. We take it down and look inside. There is this big and silver thing with customs. It was a glock desert eagle. We were so surprised to find a gun in the house.

I wanted a lot of nice things but I had no money, so I started robbing people. Then selling weed, coke, other drugs. I was making big money, getting what I wanted when I wanted it. I had everything shoes, True’s, Polo, Gucci, Louie Vuitone, and other stuff. I was happy living my life until I got caught up with the cops, but you know, I just got to bounce back. When I get out, I plan on getting a job that does not include stealing.

I miss riding my bike in the wild hills, dumping dirt ramps, going fast down hills, feeling the air breeze pass my face, feeling the hot sun on my back and the smell of the wild. I miss parkour, BB gun wars, jumping roof to roof doing flips over obstacles, just feeling the rush of getting away from my assassin. I miss hanging with my crew, we would party, smoke, chill, play sports, and go to the movies. We would have a blast, I love those times. I miss the times me and my mom watched movies, or the time I had a kick back with my sisters and my friends. I miss the times me and my older cousin threw big parties and got recked up bloodshot eyes in the morning, waking up to a wake and bake burrito.

When I was in the second grade kids used to make fun of me and I hated it. People would ask me why I was hostile and mean and I would tell them to leave me alone. I got injured running in the second grade, so when I got better I had a limp in my leg and they would make fun of it. All of those years of getting made fun of made me a stronger person, I no longer care what people say about me, I take no offense to it. You should never get mad when someone says something harsh to you, words are words, just shake them off. There’s times when people are going to put you down, don’t let them, kill them with kindness, they’ll hate that.

I remember when I was really young, great memories I play back in my head. I remember the parties my sister threw, they were so fun. I remember crying out to my sisters when leaving out the door, or when my dad left me and my mom. I remember wishing I was older, now I wish I was younger. Life gets hard when growing up. You make bad decisions growing up, but you have to man up to them, know when you are right and wrong.

I can’t believe I almost lost my life at a young age. My mom once told me I choked on a bone when I was three, they took me to a hospital where I threw it up. I’m glad I lived to see another day. I think of that day and think that was a blessing from God.