This World Around Me

by Alvin “JRoc” Richardson

In the abyss of Californians vast prison complex, I find myself lost and unaware of the things that matter to small minds captivated by institutionalization. At one point I thought I belonged amongst these small minds, so I did as drones do, follow blindly! But now on my 18th year (in prison), I no longer fit the bill, because my thinking has evolved and my knowledge has elevated. I feel awkward and out of place, based upon my personal growth, not anyone else’s lack thereof.

Nothing even feels the same, as I go on with the monotonous routines of prison life. Wake-up, wash my face, brush my teeth, go to chow, make a shot of coffee, go to yard, eat lunch, call home, go to work, another chow, go back to the cell, listen to music, watch TV, then off to bed. Those mundane things are exacerbated when you couple it with the negative energy, the hateful atmosphere, the depressive environment. With that comes the degradation one receives from the ninja turtles (CO’s), who think it’s their call to strip us of our human dignity. I try to make the changes required of me by the scientific theory of evolution, but only to be halted by arrested development.

Yes, I am crippled by the horrible fact that I’ve lived in prison longer than a free child in society. No fault finding. No playing the victim, just stating the facts. But the shining moment in my life is the fact that I refuse to fall into the predatory habit of preying on the weak. Which to me shows I’ve grown in leaps and bounds.

My whole point is I’m tired of being stuck in this small fish bowl because I’ve out grown it all and I no longer fit in this world around me. Give me freedom or give me death, because being stuck in here is killing my softly…